


Brother

by LowInHighSchool



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 07:17:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13095144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LowInHighSchool/pseuds/LowInHighSchool
Summary: 4 times Granit goes to his brother for help and 1 time Taulant goes to Granit.





	Brother

**Author's Note:**

> why do i have the best ideas at ridiculous times at night?! i should have gone to bed hours ago...
> 
> I say it's the best idea but i'm gonna read this back tomorrow and think it's shit LOL
> 
> also the fact the last line made me burst out laughing and the fact it took me AGES to tag this shows i really need to sleeeeeeeeep
> 
> I think i got the ages right ahhhh
> 
> Anyway!
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> oooooh slight trigger warning for suicidal thoughts in the last part!!
> 
> (22/12: apologies if this posts again, i'm just editing lol i was far too tired when i wrote it...)

**1\. Aged 8/9**

Granit cowers against the wall as the bullies advance towards him. He’d been hiding from them all play time but now they’d found him and he was scared.

“Won’t even fight back” One of them sneers “Pathetic”

“Just…pick on someone your own size” Granit trembles.

“What was that? Did you hear him try to speak?”

There’s laughter and Granit wants the ground to swallow him up, or more realistically for the bell to sound so he can go back to his classroom and not have to worry about this until lunch. 

“Stop moving you little brat” One of the bullies says, trying to hit Granit who was dodging out the way. He finally lands a punch on Granit’s face which causes the tears to start.

“Aw is little baby crying?” Another laughs “He really is pathetic”

Thankfully for Granit, a shout in another part of the playground distracts the bullies. Granit sees his chance and runs for it.

“Tauli!” He shouts, rushing to the part of the playground where the older kids hung out.

“Granit” Taulant looks surprised to see his brother rushing up to him in tears “What happened?”

“The bullies again”

“Again?” Taulant asks pulling his brother in for a hug.

“Yeah, they hit me”

“Where are they?”

Granit glances over his brother’s shoulder.

“Can’t see them” 

They can both hear them though.

“Granit, where are you you pathetic baby?”

Granit hides behind his brother.

“Ran to his brother, pathetic” One of the bullies says, coming over to them.

Taulant immediately launches into a verbal attack, calling the bullies every name under the sun leaving them and Granit looking shocked. When the bullies just laugh Taulant punches one in the arm.

“That actually hurt!” the bully says “What the?”

“Leave him alone” Taulant says “Or I’ll do worse”

The bullies look at each other and walk away.

“Thanks” Granit says, starting to calm down. He doesn’t leave his brother’s side until it’s time to go back to lessons.

 

**2\. Aged 19/20**

Granit had been with the Basel first team for about a year now and was settling in nicely. He was happy with the way his career was progressing.

Even so, something felt not quite right. He was constantly followed around with an overwhelming feeling of ‘what if something goes wrong?’. He knows it’s normal to worry about the future a little but this is different, it keeps him up late into the night breaking out in a cold sweat.

He tries to get on and enjoy life but it’s just too hard at the moment and he hates that. Everyone else seems to be having fun, why can’t he?

The first panic attack happens alone in his apartment one night. The anxiety just gets too much to handle. He doesn’t know what’s happening to him which is scaring him even more. Finally he gets a call from a teammate and that seems to pull him out of it-whatever it was. So that’s fine.

Until it happens again, and again. By this point he’s realised they’re panic attacks so at least he has a name for them but that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.

He’s isolating himself as well, he doesn’t want to have an attack in front of anyone, especially not a teammate so he keeps to himself. He knows people are worrying about him but he can’t tell them, they’d think he was weak. What if they kicked him off the team?

But then one night he’s watching one of his shows (he had to find someway to keep himself occupied during the lonely nights) and there’s a storyline involving a character with anxiety who has panic attacks. It catches Granit’s attention immediately. In the show the character gets help and is seemingly cured eventually.

Granit knows in real life it isn’t as easy as that but still, it makes him want to get better. He knows that would involve telling someone and that is still scary to him.

He thinks it over a while before bed and comes to the conclusion he wants help. He was going to tell someone.

He doesn’t know who though.

It’s not until he’s at his parents house for the holidays he tells anyone. One day he’s alone in the house with his brother and he knows it’s time. He takes a deep breath and walks into the living room where Taulant is.

“Hey” Granit says tentatively.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Can we talk?”

“Sure, sit down”

Taulant turns the tv off and Granit goes to sit next to him.

“Um” Granit doesn’t know what to say.

“What’s bothering you?”

“I um…I think…I’ve been…I can’t…”

“It’s ok, just spit it out”

Granit turns to face the other way, as if that would make it easier.

“I’ve been having panic attacks”

“Oh” And Taulant thinks back on the past few months and how this explains so much 

“I want to get help”

“Good. That’s a good first step”

“But I’m scared”

“I know, it is scary. But think of the benefits”

“How do I do this?” Granit wonders.

“Tomorrow, we’ll book a doctor’s appointment ok? I’ll come with you and you just tell them what’s been happening yeah?”

“Yeah”

“They’ll help. It might take some time but I promise they will”

“Thanks”

“No problem, I wondered why you hadn’t seemed yourself”

“Sorry” Granit says

“It’s fine, at least we’re getting it sorted now”

“Yeah”

“Your favourite film’s starting in ten minutes. How about I make us some hot chocolate and we watch that?” Taulant suggests.

“I’d like that”

 

**3\. Aged 20/21**

Soon there was interest in Granit from other clubs as well. Granit’s flattered, of course he is, but he isn’t interested. At first. But then he thinks, he hadn’t been expecting to stay at Basel forever had he? The more he thinks about it, he hadn’t. Maybe leaving would be a good step.

Thanks to medication and therapy his anxiety was under control so there was no need to worry about that.

His parents seemed encouraging “whatever you want to do, we’ll support you”.

He’s not 100% sure though. Even when his contracts up and there’s an offer from gladbach. It’s so tempting, he had heard good things about the club. But Germany was far from his family. There was only one border between them but still, he was used to living in the same city as his family.

But maybe it was time to leave.

He finds himself up one night, debating with himself. He doesn’t know what to do. He needed some advice, but where would he get that at midnight?

He remembers a conversation with his brother, “I’m always here for you, night or day”.

Before he knows what he’s doing he’s put his shoes on and made the trek across town to his brother’s apartment. Thankfully he answers and it’s only now Granit feels bad for waking him.

“Granit? Is everything ok?” Taulant asks.

“It’s fine, can we talk?”

“Sure, come in”

“Thanks”

Taulant leads his brother to the living room and gets him sat down.

“I’ll make some tea” He says with a yawn.

“Thanks”

Granit sits still debating with himself, partly about the gladbach situation, partly about what to say to his brother. Thankfully by the time Taulant comes back he thinks he knows.

“What’s up?” Taulant asks, handing him a hot cup of tea.

“I was thinking about leaving Basel”

“Oh. You’re serious about this?”

Taulant had heard about the offers of course, he just kind of assumed his brother would stick round.

“Yeah, I think I am” Granit says.

“It is a good step in your career”

“I know”

“Would you be ok though?”

“I think I’d be fine. I have my meds and you’re not too far”

“I’m not. I’d just miss you so much”

“I’d miss you too, but maybe it’s the right time to leave”

“Yeah, if you think it is it is”

After talking for near enough an hour Granit’s made his decision: He’s leaving.

“Thanks” He says to his brother.

“No problem, this is strange”

“I know. It’ll be ok, I’ll come and visit, and you can visit me”

“It’ll just take some getting used to”

“It will. Anyway, I better go”

“It’s almost 2, why don’t you stay over?”

“Thanks”

By the time he’s lying on the couch drifting off, Granit feels more at peace with his decision. He was going to Gladbach and he’d be ok.

 

**4\. Aged 24/25**

After a few mostly happy years at Gladbach Granit was moving again. This time to England which was even further from his family but again it was a good step in his career and he was older now so he could handle it.

He settles in well, better than at Gladbach so he’s happy. His anxiety is minimal after a slight flare and he has friends, plus he speaks to his family often. 

But then a new problem emerges. Olivier.

Granit had liked him since he’d arrived at the club but it’s only a few months later he’s realising how strong those feelings are. There’s part of him that wants to tell him how he feels but he really doesn’t know how to go about that.

He needs advice and he knows that but he doesn’t want to go to his London friends, what if they told Olivier?

One night during a phonecall with his brother it just slips out “I have a crush”

“Who is it?” Taulant asks, sounding excited.

“Olivier Giroud”

“Yeah I’ve heard of him, a crush you say?”

“I think it’s more than that, I really really like him”

“What about him? Do you think he feels the same way?” Taulant asks.

“I don’t know, sometimes I do but…no, he can’t do”

“Why not?”

“I’m just me”

“Granit, any guy would be lucky to have you. Just tell him”

“How?” Granit wonders.

“I don’t know…invite him on a date it can either go badly or well and then you’d know”

“Hmmm”

“Do it, you know you want to”

Granit considers this “Yeah, I guess I do”

“Go for it. At least that way you’ll know how he feels”

“I will”

“When will you see him next?”

“Tomorrow, at training” Granit tells him.

“Tell him then, don’t put it off”

“Ok” Granit says, feeling brave “I’m going to do it”

“Good, good luck”

“Thanks”

By the time he hangs up, Granit is actually excited about asking Olivier. He just hopes it’ll work out in his favour.

 

**+1. Aged 25/26**

Taulant didn’t know what the matter was with him lately, he just felt so down all the time. He figures maybe he’s bored with doing the same old stuff but a few changes to his routine reveal that isn’t the issue.

Maybe it was just a part of growing up.

Still, he doesn’t want to bother anyone so keeps it to himself and carries on, hoping it’s not affecting his game. Football does kind of help distract him and so does going out with friends, but at the end of the day he’d go back to his house, alone, and that’s when the bad thoughts would start.

And then they get bad.

Well they’d been bad for a while but they get worse. “No one would miss you” “You really think they care about you?”

He sighs and rolls over in bed, all he wanted was to sleep but now he can’t even do that.

Eventually he gets up out of bed and goes downstairs to turn the tv on. The show he ends up watching is quite dark, a character kills themself and Taulant shudders. 

He really doesn’t want to be alone right now, there’s part of him that doesn’t feel safe, but when he calls his friends who live in the area there’s no answer. It is late after all. 

He flicks down his contact list, his thumb hovering over his brother’s name. Granit wouldn’t be able to come over he knows that, but maybe hearing his voice would help. If he was still up that is. 

Thankfully he is, or the phone ringing wakes him. Either way, he answers.

“Hello?”

“Hey” Taulant says.

“What’s up?”

“Not much, just wanted to say hi”

“Sure” Granit probably wasn’t awake enough to realise that people didn’t just ring to ‘say hi’ in the middle of the night.

There’s silence for a while until Taulant speaks.

“Do you ever wonder if people would miss you if you…” He trails off.

“If you what?”

“Killed yourself”

“Of course they…wait. You haven’t been thinking about it have you?” Granit’s more awake now.

“Not much. More the fact no one would miss me if I did”

“That’s bullshit, I’d miss you for a start, the whole family would. And the team”

“I guess I know that”

“Haven’t you been feeling too good lately?”

Silence.

“Tauli?”

“I…I guess not” Taulant mumbles.

“Oh. Anything I can do?”

“Not really. Just hearing your voice is helping”

“Sure. Maybe you should go and see about it”

“To the doctor?”

“Yeah, or is there a psych person on the team?”

“I think so” Taulant says.

“Go see them, they’ll help. They helped me when…you remember”

“Yeah I’ll consider it”

“Do, I’m worried about you”

“I’m fine”

“I know, but still”

“Ok, I’ll talk to someone” Taulant says.

“Thank you. Will you be ok? I could fly out there?”

“They need you there”

“You need me too”

“I’ll be fine” Taulant assures him.

“Well if you’re sure. Call me if that changes yeah?”

“I will I promise. I’ll let you go now anyway, I’m getting tired”

“Sure. But make an appointment tomorrow”

“I will I promise”

“Thank you. Night”

“Night”

“I love you”

“Love you too”

Taulant hangs up and feels slightly better, people did care and maybe, just maybe, with the right help, he would stop feeling so shit.


End file.
